Graduate Student: Minor in Possession, Public Intoxication

My story is boring. Outside of religious ceremonies, I didn’t drink till I was 18.

I went to a small, very liberal arts school where I was a lot tamer than many of my classmates.

My freshman year, we had a few dorm parties (all before my No Shots Rule), and I competed in my first Tour de Franzia. That’s right: 21 stages of drinking bagged wine. Go team! When admin found out who organized it and threatened to disqualify them from graduation, we set up a PayPal account and all chipped in. My sophomore year I moved into a duplex; a friendly drug cartel lived in the ground floor apartment and I still get nostalgic anytime I smell weed.

Mostly, we were white upper-upper-middle class, and we were doing the same things that kids in town were doing and everyone knew it—but they were getting picked up and we weren’t.

Now, I’m really looking forward to seeing where my classmates end up: undoubtedly in positions of power, unmarred by their criminal pasts.