Recent Graduate: Theft, Possession of Controlled Substances

posted in: Luxury To Forget, No Record | 0

It started with stolen six packs of Mike’s Hard Lemonade from the Rainbow on Larpenteur Avenue. I was 15 and believed that anything was palatable if pinched, and what was already good got better. Once the self-checkout lines were installed my sister and I would hit up the bulk goods section, filling plastic bags with pounds of candy we’d label and pay for as oats. The thrill of knowing it was nearly free made the sugar taste even sweeter. I would still do that today. That’s not so wrong.

I graduated from malt liquor to marijuana and mushrooms once I hit college. I took sociology courses about deviant behavior without realizing I was a deviant myself. In between classes, I worked a desk job and volunteered at a local nonprofit. It was stressful, and I was battling more anxiety than usual, so I’d self-medicate before class. Four years later, I graduated summa cum laude.

I got into grad school after that, leaving behind most drugs except weed. I marked a few holidays with coke, but otherwise, it was pretty basic.

Now, I’m on the job market. On paper, I look great—honors, top schools, and excellent work history.

I’ll hold off on the drugs for a while to keep my system clean, but after I’m hired what’s wrong with having fun every now and then?